Dr. Suess goes to Washington (an excerpt from “Just Part It In The Middle”) by Tom Sumner

Dr. Suess goes to Washington (an excerpt from “Just Part It In The Middle”) by Tom Sumner

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Wednesday, 04 May 2016
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I had control over the family’s television viewing selections when I was a kid. There were some exceptions. The Huntley Brinkley Report every night when my dad got home from work was one.

Presidential addresses, political conventions and election night coverage were different and can’t really be counted as exceptions. All programming was pre-empted for those events. But the TV was tuned to them in our house.

In fact, extra televisions were brought in on election nights so that my dad and his cigar smoking political cronies could monitor all three networks. There was also a radio tuned to the local radio station and I think they probably had an operative in the county clerk’s office calling in periodically.

Weekends were great. Television was geared toward kids. For example, there were the Saturday morning cartoons. Even the local newspaper carried the “Sunday Funnies.” It seemed like weekends were for kids – like Christmas.

In the movie Miracle on 34th Street, Macy’s employee Mr. Shillhammer defends the store’s Santa Claus (who thinks he really is Santa and is in danger of being fired) to Mrs. Walker by saying, “maybe he’s just a little bit crazy like all those men in Washington.”

To someone raised on cartoons and politics, like me, the men in Washington seem more than a little bit crazy these days. The frustration this is causing with people around the country has reached a boiling point.

No one expects our political leaders to be Superman. But, it would be nice if they tried to fight for “truth, justice and the American way.” I got thinking that perhaps if there were Super Heroes they might serve to remind us of the things that are truly important.

This looks like a job for Superman. But according to Astral-Physicist Stephen Hawking visitors from other planets are not to be trusted. That’s not to mention what the Arizona legislature might have to say about it.

The biggest problem with calling on Superman, Batman, or any of the other heroes from the comics of my youth is they’re not real. But there is one man who could put a unique perspective on politics.

If he were still alive, I’d nominate Theodor Seuss Geisel. Yes, that’s right Dr. Seuss. If Frank Capra could call on Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith goes to Washington, why not Dr. Seuss?

I can hear the rhythm and rhyme of his Inaugural Address…

Ladies and gentlemen, both short and tall, we need better government for one and for all. No more campaigning, conventions and fuss, we do it ourselves, meaning just we, just us.

If we all work together to straighten things out, we need no longer bother with political clout. No bankers or unions or lobbyist’s schemes, no bosses with all their political machines.

Imagine, just once, a world if you will, without all the pork in bill after bill. Straight up or down votes is not such a task, just try it, just try it, just try it I ask.

Tea Parties and fringe groups and folks of that sort, will no longer holler and snort and retort. No gridlock, no filibustering spin, no scandals and smear tactics time and again.

No slogans, no sound bites, no slick dirty tricks. No liars and cheaters that just pick up chicks. No panderers, slackers or uninformed slobs, who say just enough to earn government jobs.

Saying no to what has been will not be that easy, but we must rid ourselves of all those that are sleazy. If we stick to the plan and get rid of the bad, what’s left will be better than that which we had.

Remember the Grinch and The Cat in the Hat? The time has now come to do better than that. For these are our leaders in whom we should trust, if we do it ourselves, meaning just we, just us.

It might seem silly to have Dr. Seuss as President but who else could propose such preposterous things? Oh wait. The founding fathers of this country had some pretty good ideas. In fact most would call them excellent.

Of course there’s no more Dr. Seuss. Even the fictional villains of Dr. Seuss made things right in the end. All those heroes of my youth together couldn’t inspire a world without Grinches and Green Eggs and Ham.

But clearly we shouldn’t mandate the mediocre. Choose excellence. Expect excellence. The only way to really make a difference is to pay attention and hold elected officials to the highest standard.

And it wouldn’t hurt to have a sense of humor about it. If there was ever a time when the country could use a good laugh – it’s now.

Here’s what we do. From now on, when someone says something you don’t agree with, don’t tell them their wrong. Tell them a joke.

Then tell them they’re wrong.

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